How to Overcome Perfectionism & Procrastination
Strategies to Manage Failure and Stop Perfectionist Paralysis
Sep 16, 2008
A gifted perfectionist is distinctly different from the gifted child striving for excellence. The unrealistic goal of flawless performance puts extreme pressure on a gifted perfectionist. When the perfectionist falls short of a self-imposed standard, negative assessments abound.
Dealing with Unmet Goals, Unrealistic Expectations, Challenges, and Failures
Something benign like losing a coin toss can upset a perfectionist. For a gifted perfectionist where many class assignments come easily, the slightest challenge may lead to avoidance. Rather than learning from mistakes and celebrating successes, a perfectionist fixates on every perceived failure.
Parents can help perfectionists set realistic goals, handle setbacks, and approach challenges by teaching them to:
- Not take failure personally.
- Retain a sense of humor.
- View mistakes as learning opportunities.
- Handle competition and compliments.
- Attempt appropriate challenges.
Simple games of chance can teach a competitive perfectionist child not to take every loss personally. Parents should model good sportsmanship when playing with a perfectionist and learn to laugh at their own errors. Parents should use every opportunity to demonstrate that mistakes are just problems to be solved and chances to learn and grow. When adults experience a setback at work or home, they can share the experience with the family along with strategies for progress or resolution.
Gifted perfectionists may avoid appropriate challenges out of fear of failure. For the perfectionist, easier tasks provide a safe opportunity to perform perfectly and be the best. Parents can help perfectionist children seek out appropriate challenges where strong performance is not readily achievable, but can be accomplished in incremental steps with practice.
Perfectionist Paralysis- Tips to Avoid Procrastination
Details can overwhelm a perfectionist trying to exceed all expectations for a project. Fear of failure leads to paralysis. Negative self-talk, focusing on past disappointments and future shortcomings, leads a gifted perfectionist to procrastinate as an avoidance mechanism. Chronic academic underachievement may result.
Parents and teachers can help gifted kids avoid perfectionist paralysis by:
- Providing specific expectations.
- Setting priorities and maintaining perspective.
- Assisting with realistic goal setting.
- Helping the gifted child know when to quit.
Gifted perfectionists need concrete guidelines for projects and assignments or three page papers may transform into thirty pages that are late or never turned in. How many sources are needed? How much detail is required to meet expectations?
Tasks need to be broken down into manageable action plans. Parents may need to help guide a gifted student through prioritization and question whether effort matches the value of the assignment. A perfectionist student should not spend as much time on a weekly writing assignment as a term paper.
Perfectionists need frequent grounding in realistic expectations. A gifted perfectionist may expect to generate results worthy of peer-reviewed publication when the teacher only expects a clear hypothesis and experimental design leading to some results.
Good enough is a difficult concept for perfectionists. Parents should intervene when a perfectionist doesn’t seem to know when to quit. Reviewing ten sources may be good enough for a paper requiring two citations. Two pages may fulfill all the assignment criteria. A good proofread and edit may suffice rather than a complete rewrite.
Striking a Balance While Striving for Personal Excellence
A perfectionist personality can burden a gifted child with stress and anxiety, contributing to academic and mental health difficulties. While a gifted child may remain a perfectionist for life, Dr. Carol Dweck’s research shows that a growth mindset can be taught.
Parents help moderate the worst aspects of perfectionism by modeling a balanced approach to excellence, demonstrating flexibility when faced with challenge, encouraging effort instead of praising accomplishments, and helping the gifted perfectionist set priorities to avoid procrastination.
With effort, a gifted perfectionist can retain their love of learning and begin to enjoy the journey.
This article is generally informed by strategies presented in the following resources:
Dweck, Carol. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. 2006.
Pyryt, Michael. “Helping Gifted Students Cope with Perfectionism.” NAGC June 2004.
"Tips for Parents: Perfectionism Resources.” Davidson Institute for Talent Development 2002.
